My Mommy

It's no secret that I absolutely adore my Mom. She's always been very fair towards me, and VERY giving (although I'm sure I would have thought or said differently in my adolescent years when things weren't going my way). She does occassionaly give the unneeded guilt trip from time to time, but, that's just who she is.

It seems that lately, she's really started to miss me. She'll treat Josh and I out to dinner because she just wants to see us, and whenever I come over, she's so happy to see me. Granted, I'm just as happy to see her.

It makes me wonder if she knows, deep down, that Josh and I won't be here much longer. I've yet to sit down and talk to her about it yet, but it's come up here and there, and brushed off just as quickly.

My mom is really everything I'd hope and want to be as a Mom. She's always been there for me when I've been having a hard time and I regret not going to her more often when I was younger. It took me awhile to really open up to her and let her in on whats going on in my life. She's helped me financially more times than I can count, and with anything else I need.

I asked her if she'd help me make some cupcakes for Youngs Surprise Birthday tonight, and as always, she was more than willing - as long as I bought the tub of frosting from Joanne's. That morning, she calls and says that she already baked the cupcakes so all we'd have to do was decorate them - which is really, more her area of expertise than it is mine, and did a fantastic job. I helped by adding sprinkles.

One thing I'd love to learn, and am ashamed that I haven't learned yet, is her cooking, baking, and cake decorating skills. That is one thing I've always admired about her, and now that I only have a year left with access to her kitchen, it's something I really want to try.

My cousin Ashley has started to take cake decorating lessons, which is something I really really want to do. My mom mentioned that Ashley is going to come over for a flower lesson and that I could come and join them and that makes me really excited. My mom is so talented, and I hope that if I apply myself, that I might share those same talents!

I'm sure going to miss her when I leave, along with the rest of my family. Oh man, it's going to be so hard.

:(

But the fact that this is something I still want to do, despite how painful it will be to not be with my family except for a few times a year, reaffirms that this is a good choice for me, and Josh, and our future family.

Perhaps, I'm just too darn sensitive :(

So...

I guess you could say I've had a problem keeping close girl friends. I've got a huge group of friends that used to be a lot closer than we all are now, but we still see eachother on occassion - though usually always prompted by yours truly.

Having that one close "girl" friend, to just hang out with, do girl things, confide in - thats been another story all together. The closest I ever got to this type of friendship was Whitney...and well, that was short winded.

I'm not going to get into it with how things used to be, and how they are now, but I will touch on one subject that happened over the weekend that maybe hurt a little bit more than it should.

We were talking about doing something over this past weekend, and....

You know...nevermind. I don't want to get into the details...

I will tell you how I feel....like a cast off, like I'm not good enough, and ignored. I don't feel like a friend...at all.

So, yeah, that's that.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't excited to move and cut off the ties I have here to people that really don't seem to care about me as much as I care about them. I have hope for the relationships I'll make in Georgia, and the ones that Josh will introduce to me. Hopefully there, I WILL be good enough. Hopefully there, people will care about me.

What Am I Doing?!?

All I've posted lately is about my diet, weight and workout successes and woes. But this is supposed to a blog about life, and my life is not just about those things!

So I'm going to talk about something different today. About LIFE!

My in-laws!

Josh and I have been planning on flying to Virginia to meet up with Josh's family for his grandmothers 80th birthday in early August, even though I believe her Birthday isn't technically until September. But, its a family get together, nonetheless.

In the past few weeks Josh and I started looking at plane tickets. The fares are astronomical! Like seriously, $500. For a plane ticket! We started to panick a little bit as Josh is still out of work and money is tight.

Now, its no question that Josh would go. Between the two of us, we'd be able to pay $500, but theres no way each of us could afford that. My trip out there started looking less and less likely, which made me quite sad. This is my new family, and I wanted to see them.

Word got around that there was a possibility I couldn't make it, and my in-laws sprang into action. Josh's Mom told him that she would pay for his ticket as long as he didn't put anything else on his Discover card, and that Lisa and K (Josh's Aunt and Uncle who we'd be staying with in Virginia) would send us a check for $400 to offset the cost of the other ticket. Wow.

They went above and beyond, and told Josh that there was no way I wasn't coming. Lil' ol' me....this girl who's only been part of the family for just a few months. Now, I don't think we'll need the help of paying for it in full. Josh said that when we get the check, we just won't cash it...I'm pretty sure we can afford to split one ticket. Which reminds me...I have a lot of extra bills to pay this month. Car registration, and my emergency room bill, to name a couple. I suppose I should get on that.

Anyway - it felt awesome that they would go that far out to make sure that Josh and I were there for the festivities. I feel so loved, and so welcome into this family. It makes me so so so happy.

Insanity

So the rest of Monday was a bit crazy. I got home from work and wanted to Calibrate my Nike+. I mapped out a 1 mile run near the house, and Josh and I went on our way. I was hesitant about the 1 mile run as I needed to do it without stopping to get a true calibration. I've never been able to run 1/2 mile in real life (aka, not on a treadmill) let alone a mile. But, I did it. I stopped for like 10 seconds at about 3/4's of a mile, but kept on going. I ran it in 9 minutes and change - something I've never done, even on a treadmill. Perhaps my body is tougher than I thought. I saw for a few minutes to catch my breath, and then started the 1 mile walk back. The walk was spot on - no calibration needed there. The run registered a bit over - at 1.12 miles, so I adjusted it a bit.

I guess it just doesn't register correctly on treadmills...which makes sense, but also kind of sucks as I won't get true data when I run on the treadmill. I could always get an extra sensor to calibrate specifically for the treadmill...but that seems like a pain. We'll see.

After this 2 mile workout, I headed off to bootcamp. I was excited that we would finally be working out in the gym tonight as opposed to the parking lot. I hate getting dirty out there. Then I saw that we were going to be following a DVD, and not any DVD, but Insanity. I had read about it, and I knew it was hard.

Within the first 5 minutes I was already sweating profusely. Some of the moves were flat out ridiculous, so I modified them into something I was able to do. When I felt myself getting nauseous, I jogged/walked a lap around the gym and started back up. I did notice that I'm getting a lot more sturdy in my pushups. I tried doing normal (not girl) pushup and realized that I had a hard time even doing one. Whats up with that, when I can do girl push ups with ease...well, for awhile.

I got home from that, drenched, and ate my Subway Sandwich that Josh had picked up earlier in the evening. It was delicious...moreso than usual for some reason. Perhaps because I just worked my ass off.

Joe ended up coming over and we started talking about ice cream. I had a point left...which wasn't enough for Baskin Robbins or Menchies, but I tried to convince Josh that because I had worked out so much tonight, I needed extra calories. I ended up being good and we went to Ralphs and I got some 2pt Weight Watcher Ice Cream Cones that hit the spot.

I'm realizing that my new shoes might just be a tad bit small...unfortunately. My right big toe started hurting towards the end of the evening - apparently my right food is just slightly bigger than my left. It's too late to exchange the shoe, so hopefully they'll stretch out just enough that it won't be a problem.

Boo's and Yay's

So I haven't been dieting like I should be...I've been eating out, like fast food & restaurants. I haven't completely fallen off, but, I'm teetering. However, I've accomplished something I never thought I could do. I ran 2 miles. Without stopping. AND! I wasn't dying. I walked for about 10 minutes, then ran for another 10 minutes. I walked 4 miles in an hour, which is roughly a 15 minute miles. That's not impressive by any means, but its decent. And by run, I do mean a moderate jog...4.0 on the treadmil, 4.2 at some points. This could very well have been a fast walk if I decided to stop jogging, but I jogged...RAN!!!

I can't wait to try again tomorrow, since tonight is bootcamp.

Now I just need to get back on this diet thing...AGAIN! I stopped weighing myself every day because it was just driving me crazy. I can't do that to myself...I knew better.

Here's what I packed for breakfast/lunch:

Slim Fast - 3pts
Lean Cuisine - 5pts
Raisin's - 1pt
100 Cal Pack of Cookies - 2pts

11pts, 9pts for dinner

Finally Friday!

I'm so glad it's friday. It's even better because its a Friday before a long weekend. It's EVEN better because we get out early today. It's EVEN better because we leave to go rafting tomorrow!

Ahhhhhh!

So excited.

I was debating going to bootcamp last night. Something I've never done. I was so tired, and had been having these strange pains in the back of my head, and really just wanted to get into my pj's, sit on the couch and eat ice cream all night. But, I went. And we ran, and did squats, and push ups, and bicycles, and jumping jacks to our wits end. We did about 75 of each of those things, except running - we did 2 laps, 4 times. I managed to run about 95% of the time. I was proud of that.

I went home and had a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios for dinner to make up for my not so good lunch. A coworker invited me to go to Fuddruckers with them. I initially declined, saying I'd bring my Lean Cuisine down and eat with them. But then I got bitter towards the fact that I've been so good, and haven't lost any weight, so I said screw it, I'll eat Fuddruckers. I DID order off of their Lighter Options Menu, which I'm sure still has way too many calories, but I got a California Chicken Burger, which was a chicken breast with swiss cheese and avocado on a wheat bun. I added lettuce, tomato and onion, and ate a pile of pickles on the side. I love pickles.

Today is Subway Friday. Stopped and got my breakfast and lunch.

Now, time for work. It's 8am - 30 minutes down, and 5 hours to go. Yay for getting out of work early! 2pm baby!

What am I doing wrong?

I've gained a pound.

1 POUND!

I've been counting my points, getting in way more water than I used to, and exercising, and somehow instead of the number going down, it's gone back up. I was supposed to be at 136 by now, and I've managed to work my way back to 140.3.

I'm really starting to get mad.

When I'm following the program, I've always been able to lose weight. I know the mechanics of weight loss. Burn more calories than you consume. I'm doing that. There's no way I'm not. And yet, my body is holding onto the fat like we're about to enter some armageddon or something. Body! Let it go!!!

I've always seen results when I've put the work into it, and three weeks into it, the results are simply not showing.

I'm going to cut out Coffee and resist putting Crystal Light into my water. Those seem like silly causes of weight gain being that they are both ridiculously low in calories, but I don't know. I think maybe I need to focus on putting more natural foods into my body than chemicals. I've never had this problem before, so this is all new to me.

Bread? Will I have to say no to that too. C'mon body! Behave.