My last few entries have been really depressing, lol. It's true that I haven't been happy in my friend situation, but thats not the only thing going on in my life. I have an amazing boyfriend that I love like crazy. Every morning I wake up next to him and we immediately start having a good time (not like that), but just laughing and joking around with eachother, and I get to see him pout when I leave for work. It's a lot of fun. It's nice being able to look forward to coming home because I know he'll be there.

Maui is now 2 weeks away, and I'm so looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to leaving everything here behind, forgetting about financial worries, work, weight, EVERYTHING, and just enjoying the short vacation with my friends. I don't mind all the obstacles it took to get there, because it will just make it that much more deserving.

A couple good things in the horizon besides Maui:
-I might be getting $6,000 from the lawsuit against VW. That, my friends, will be just enough to pay off my car. I'll keep it until I have the babies and need a more mommy-friendly car, like a minivan. Wooo. Or a sporty hip SUV - or the ever all accomodating Camry. Josh said he wouldn't let me drive our babies around in my car.
-I had found out that my parents had decided to claim me as a dependent because it helped them. Unfortunately, it hurt me in the fact that I wouldn't get the same return, and I wouldn't be receiving the $600 rebate. However, I found out yesterday that my parents will be giving me what I would have gotten, which, folks, comes to $1,000.
-Thirdly, I have a picture of Josh in a dress that I intend on getting printed and showing to his Mother. She'll be proud.

So, things aren't completely bad as I might have made them sound. I am sad, and maybe disappointed in some ways that the group I've come to depend on so much is breaking apart and making me feel stranded. But I know I'll always have my friends, just not in the same ways as before, and I'll always have Josh.

Having to deal with the whole Maui/ATA debacle yesterday made me temporarily forget what I've been so down about lately. When the whole thing was over and resolved I was almost caught off guard that I was still down. It seemed to emphasize and clarify the reason why. But, really, and I've said this before - nothings going to change. I'm just different. But being different means being lonely. Maybe I need to reach out to others more like me instead of sitting here complaining about it. But that means giving up on the past, the past that I'd like so dearly to continue having. I'm trying to hold on, fighting it, but that fight is only causing me to lose my grip even more. It's odd. When something moves closer, the distance grows. Oh life. You really do suck sometimes.