One Big Family

This weekend, Josh and I woke up very early Sunday morning to take my parents to LAX for their 2 week trip to Mexico. As we were saying our goodbyes, giving hugs and kisses, my Dad stopped Josh and I and said he had one last thing he wanted to tell us. He then paused and got a bit teary eyed, and mentioning he was going to cry before announcing to Josh that he's really come to love Josh as a son, and how great it is to see me happy. We all got a bit teary eyed, and hugged once again before officially saying good bye.

I can't even begin to express how happy this made me. Family is and always will be the most important thing in my life, and seeing Josh become a part of that family is a feeling I can't even begin to put into words. He is the love of my life and I can't think of anyone else I'd want to spend the rest of my life with and start a family with. My life is actually starting to fall into place - and its such a comforting thought.

The night before, Josh and I even stopped at a jewelry store and I tried on some rings...none that I particularly love. I know when I put on the right one, I'll know it - I just hope that the right one doesn't break the bank.

I know a lot of people might think we're rushing into this. Sure we're young, and sure, we've only been dating "officially" for 6 months - but honestly, we both knew we were going to spend the rest of our lives with eachother for the past 3 years. We already know everything we need to know, and for us, this is just the next step.

Family

Since moving out, I've found I'm enjoying spending time with the family even more. I'm there twice a week to clean, in return of my Mom helping out on my school loan, and we get to spend time together and eat dinner and such. I think I value being there more and my parents value seeing me more. Josh was able to come last night because he got off work early, and its great to see how well he fits in, and how much my parents love him.

Later that night when we were going to bed, Josh turned to me and said he really enjoyed spending time at my parents house. That made me soooo happy. I've always had a close family, and family is so important to me. It's nice knowing that I don't have to beg Josh to spend time with them.

Josh and I may not have tons of things in common as far as movies, music, etc. but we certainly share the same set of family values, and that to me is the best groundwork of a relationship.

I really do feel so much different after moving out. I actually feel like an adult, even though I'm still enjoying the benefits of not paying bills and rent. I have a place that is mine, and is my responsibility to clean and take care of and that certainly has made me much more responsible. I've finally rid myself of the adolescent laziness I had when it came to keeping my room clean and putting things away. I'm adapting a routine in this new house and it involves putting the bathroom stuff away, dirty clothes in the laundry basket, making the bed, etc. I love that everyday, Josh and I can come home to a clean house, and get into a made bed. It makes all the difference in the world.

I'm also turning things around moneywise. Though, I haven't been able to put money into savings quite yet, I'm finally not going into the negatives before each payday. For the past two weeks I've had over $200 in my checking on payday, and that is such a great feeling. I have been approved to start working full time, though the start date of that is still up in the air, but I'm looking forward to paying off my credit card and finally being able to put money back in savings.

Josh has certainly taught me the art of frugalness. I've stopped spending money on things I don't need - and saving money for our future has certainly been great motivation. I have been thinking about starting to put away $20 per paycheck in an envelope that will be used to vacations/trips/fun things - and I will only allow myself to do those fun things when there is enough in the envelope. The rest of the money will be used for bills and "important" savings. The last thing I want to do is bring up children in a world where we can't afford to do things.

I'm slowly but surely, growing up. And, although I've got a ways to go, I'm on the right track. Yipeeee!

Black and White

After much googling, I've decided I want to have a Black and White wedding. The "colors" seem so tacky to me, and theres none I've found I particularly enjoy. The Black and White I think would be so unique and classy, but also a lot of fun. We could get married at sunset and have an evening reception. Awww. Plus, I could have an accent color. Pink isn't really my thing, but black, white and pink....how adorable be.

Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, but, whats wrong with planning in advance.

Oh Noes

I've always had an issue with bleeding during sex, mostly right before my period. I figured this was normal as my period was on its way, and any kind of force would cause some spotting. However this has been happening a lot more frequent, and not just around my period. I called today and made an appointment to see the ObGyn about this and hope that its nothing, or something that can by easily remedied.

I started crying last night after it happened, because I feel as though its something that could come between Josh and I. I know he understands and isn't upset at it - but I could see myself not wanting to have sex in fear of this happening, and I know eventually it could become an issue. I'm also worried that something could be seriously wrong. I read that it could be precancerous polyps or STD's, however I'm not worried about the latter. What if there's something seriously wrong, and I wouldn't be able to have babies.

I went online today and tried doing some research, and it seemed that many girls were inquiring about the same thing, but there really wasn't any type of answer. Some girls have gone and had many tests done and they can't seem to figure it out after exams, ultrasounds, biopsies. Thats not something I want to go through. I guess I'll just have to wait until next month and pray to god everythings ok.

Marriage

It's perfectly fathomable to think about me being totally head over heals about Josh. He's fun, caring, mature and responsible. When I think about him being marriage material, it doesn't seem like a crazy thought. However, it does seem crazy to think of me being marriage material. I still feel so young and naive, I just don't get how someone could love me THAT much and be sure that they want to be with me. I'm a pain sometimes, I'll admit it. But he does! He sent me an article about why guys marry, and he told me that I make him want to get married. It's a fun thought. I've been looking at dresses, and we're supposed to go look at rings soon. It's just really exciting to start this life. A new life. Soon I won't just be someones daughter, sister or friend. I'll be someones wife, and eventually someones mother. Aww. I'm happy.

Chapter 2: Overhaulin

So I realized today that when you make a choice to get one aspect of your life together, you are automatically forced to get all aspects of your life together. I want to be slimmer and healthier, so with that has come excercise and eating better. I've also been wanting to get my finances together, so I've had to watch what I spend and keep track of my bills. It's nowhere near being paid off, but I finally feel in control of it again and the thought of having it paid off doesn't seem that impossible. Since getting the new bedroom furniture, I've really been more conscious of putting my things away and making the bed. And its nice. I feel good about myself and I can see how it can help me in my energy levels, in my confidence.

I kinda have a pride in myself that I haven't had before. Or atleast a sense of control. I came into work today wanting to get things done and wanting to do a good job. I feel like I've just been cruising through life, doing just enough to get by. But I think its time to start working harder to get things done, succeeding enough to where I can provide a stable environment for the family that I would like to have.

It'll be nice to see some of these goals being accomplished later this year. Yay :)

One more blog wouldn't hurt....would it?

So I figured I could use another blog, a diary of sorts where I can talk on and on and on and not feel bad for those reading it. I'm starting a new chapter in my life and quite frankly, I'd like to document it.

So, we'll start with Chapter One: Moving Out.

I guess I haven't lived at home for the past 4 months, but it was still a place I called home. It was where my stuff was, where my mail went, etc. But that's changed. I have since "sold" my furniture to my Mom who will use it as the guest bedroom, and bought new furniture with Josh. We now own something together. I have since moved a good amount of my things over, and as of today, my mail shall be going to Joshs. I am now a resident at Village Pointe. Which is crazy, but so exciting. I am starting the future with the person I am going to marry. I love coming home to him. I love being a part of his life, and him being a part of mine. I love the fact that we could be perfectly content sitting on the couch watching TV, yet, if we let ourselves we could stay up all night talking, about whatever. That's nice.

I was informed today, that I will be working full time at Wells Fargo Insurance Services. It's not my dream job, I don't even enjoy it all that much - butt its going to be my path to becoming debt free, and hopefully helping Josh out with the bills and rent. It will be the path to becoming more of a responsible adult. As much as a job in radio would be fun and fantastic, it's not a smart choice - at least right now while I'm struggling. A career isn't what will make me happy. Having bills paid, and being able to spend time with those that I love is what will make me happy.

I'm finally really happy, with Josh, with life, with friends. I've been able to weed out, or atleast distance myself from people who added negativity to my life and surround myself with those that truly care. It's nice not having to filter what I say or do in fear of what it could be turned into later. I know I'm not being judged, and my actions misconstrued and I know I won't be blamed for things I've not done. Thats nice. I haven't had to worry in months, aside from the occassional financial woes which I am actively trying to aleviate.

I was reading through posts on livejournal that I've made recently, and it was nice reflecting on such positive times and realizing that I have nothing to complain about.

There are many things that I want out of this life, but I already have everything that I need.