I've been increasingly more emotional. I get insanely sad at the amount Josh works. Sure, I see him in the evenings, but I deeply miss spending quality time with him. Hopefully I just miss him - and I'm not suffering from any types of crazy hormonal balance.

Maui is coming up. Fast. 3 weeks from Wednesday we'll be there, and there are a lot of things to do in preparation. And Money that needs to be spent. Ugh. Why. I'm so broke already. But I know it'll all be worth it. It really is going to be the trip of the lifetime - and the memories will last forever.

I feel like I actually had a point to writing in here, but I have to go answer phones for the rest of the day. So, my friends, this is it.

Changing Dynamics

It's a difficult choice to make when you decide that you're going to stop change. I don't know if its a sense of giving up on something you've fought against for so long, or just realizing that things will never be the same as they once were.

In the past year I've noticed a huge shift in the dynamic of the group. The hangouts aren't the same, and it seems the group is breaking up into smaller pieces. Everyonce in awhile, we'll all get together - but its becoming few and far between. Is this just part of growing up? Is it forbidden to get together with 8 of your closest friends to play a dumb board game when you are in your mid to late twenties. If this is the case, will friends cease to exist once we hit our thirties. If so, I whole heartedly am depressed.

Maybe I'm too dependent, but friends are my life. The people I surround myself with is what makes me who I am, is the definition of my character. That's not to say I'm not my own person, but my friends and the people I love is what makes this life meaningful.

So seeing this separation and distancing happening with those that were once a tight knit group, makes my life seem a lot less stable and perhaps a bit unnerving. But this may be a change that is beyond my control. People are changing, and they are changing in a way that leaves less time for friends, and in some cases, they are changing in a way that forces me to relinquish some of that closeness I once felt with them. We all change - and change is a great and mysterious part of life, but its hard seeing change that is harmful. It's hard seeing change that results in you becoming an outsider. This is what I'm referring to mostly when I say that this is change I am no longer going to fight against.

I will stick by my convictions, be the person I am and not partake in an activity just to fit in. That's not me. Thats not how I want to be viewed. I've worked too hard for too long to become one in my own, and I'm not going to give that up now.

So for now I can only hope that my friends come around, that this separation that has happened will soon cease to exist and this might, someday, be liked they used to be. When life is simple.

But maybe life isn't meant to be simple any longer. Only time will tell.

Today has kinda sucked. First I was bummed that Josh has no day off. He just left to get to his shoot at 4:30 in Glendale. We had talked about doing something in the morning, because his night was taken. I thought about maybe going to this sandwich place in Burbank, and while im not going to get into it, it led to a huge fight. I cried...ALOT. Things are ok now, but its never nice having a fight like that. I believe this is #2 in the 7 months we've been dating. Thats probably 2 fights too many, but I can't complain about it. For some reason, all fights tend to be about stupid things.

Sucky part #2, I've acquired a pain in my knee. A very bad one. It hurts when I bend it, and I have absolutely no recollection of hurting it. How pains can come out of no where I'm not sure. And it makes me feel like a dumb.

So today has not been one of my best. I feel like a dumb for having a fight about lunch, and for my knee pain. I'm very frustrated at a lot of things and I'm trying to let them not get to me, or make them into a bigger issue. I'm not a huge fan of what I see going on around me, but I know if I just ride the wave, things will work their way back into place.

I was gonna watch License to Wed, but that will have to wait for another day.