Changing Dynamics

It's a difficult choice to make when you decide that you're going to stop change. I don't know if its a sense of giving up on something you've fought against for so long, or just realizing that things will never be the same as they once were.

In the past year I've noticed a huge shift in the dynamic of the group. The hangouts aren't the same, and it seems the group is breaking up into smaller pieces. Everyonce in awhile, we'll all get together - but its becoming few and far between. Is this just part of growing up? Is it forbidden to get together with 8 of your closest friends to play a dumb board game when you are in your mid to late twenties. If this is the case, will friends cease to exist once we hit our thirties. If so, I whole heartedly am depressed.

Maybe I'm too dependent, but friends are my life. The people I surround myself with is what makes me who I am, is the definition of my character. That's not to say I'm not my own person, but my friends and the people I love is what makes this life meaningful.

So seeing this separation and distancing happening with those that were once a tight knit group, makes my life seem a lot less stable and perhaps a bit unnerving. But this may be a change that is beyond my control. People are changing, and they are changing in a way that leaves less time for friends, and in some cases, they are changing in a way that forces me to relinquish some of that closeness I once felt with them. We all change - and change is a great and mysterious part of life, but its hard seeing change that is harmful. It's hard seeing change that results in you becoming an outsider. This is what I'm referring to mostly when I say that this is change I am no longer going to fight against.

I will stick by my convictions, be the person I am and not partake in an activity just to fit in. That's not me. Thats not how I want to be viewed. I've worked too hard for too long to become one in my own, and I'm not going to give that up now.

So for now I can only hope that my friends come around, that this separation that has happened will soon cease to exist and this might, someday, be liked they used to be. When life is simple.

But maybe life isn't meant to be simple any longer. Only time will tell.