Whitney, was, and had been my closest "girl" friend for quite some time. We met in October of 2002 (I believe), and stayed pretty close. After Will died, the group, and Whitney and I, got closer. I had a friend that I could go shopping with, or just go over to watch TV with.
I really am not sure what started the split. I noticed some change when she lost some weight. She wanted to do different things, go out more, etc. Then there was some more distance after my brief experimentation with smoking. It didn't do much for me, so I didn't do it. That was interpreted as me being close-minded and judgemental and was pushed away even more.
Then when Josh and I started dating, a divide started to happen. The single people vs. the couples - although only one person, Whitney, saw it this way. This is the most shocking to me as Whitney was so hurt when Joe would always choose Deb over hanging with the group, yet Josh and I always include others in our outing, we don't put our alone time ahead of seeing our friends. Yet still, Whitney made it a point that thats how things were.
I started to notice that she would give us so much grief for not going out more or not staying out late, yet whenever we were out late, she wanted to go home. She'd act bored when she was over, or just lay down on the couch and nap.
Yet, she was still my best girl friend - the closest thing to it atleast, and I made her a bridesmaid in my wedding. I didn't have the traditional bridal party and didn't get much help in the way of planning - but I didn't notice it being that I was doing pretty well on my own. But then I started to get grief about the normal duties that come with being a bridesmaid - like buying the dress, the shoes, paying for hair and makeup to be done, driving out to my sisters for my bridal shower. Everything was a chore.
Then, the night before the wedding, she opted to hang out with the guys because thats where all the "younger" people were and where the partying would be taking place, instead of spending it with me. I went to sleep on a air mattress in the living room completely alone that night with no one to share my excitement with. The next morning, Whitney was the last one to show up. She stayed just long enough to get her hair and makeup done, and then left again to go back to the guys. I didn't realize how utterly selfish this was until months later. People would bring it up here and there, and I just dismissed it. But now, just over 5 months after our wedding, I 100% regret having her in my wedding, and am almost angry that she's in the pictures.
The whole group to be honest started growing some distance - but I very painfully realized, that any interaction was almost always initiated by me. I loved planning stuff, but I was hurt by the fact that no one reached out to me. I shared this with Whitney, and she said multiple times that it sucked it had to be that way, and that she would make more of an effort. I always wondered what would happen if I just stopped planning. Would my friends reach out to see me. After about a year of saying this, I finally did it. I stopped planning. We still see people, but its usally Josh putting it together, or me hinting to someone else they should plan something, or a birthday of some sort. I still talk to people over AIM, and text and there are a few that will make an effort.
Whitney, on the other hand, has not made a single effort to email/text/or call me in the past couple months. I'll see her at group functions and thats about it. Conversation is forced. There wasn't a single instance or fight or event that made this happen. It just happened.
There are still friends that I don't see very often, or don't talk to, yet I still consider them friends. Whitney on the other hand, I'm not so sure about. I'm not sure that she'd ever go out of her way for me, or have my back to defend me. Does she care at all...I'm starting to think she doesn't.
I'm over the fact that I've lost a friend, but so very pissed that someone can be that rude and selfish.
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